Grace Under Pressure
From a tear in your train to a more-than-tipsy Uncle Eddie, the chance that something will go wrong on your wedding day is almost as certain as the rising of the sun. (Or, for that matter, the failure of the sun to rise, followed by a torrential downpour if you're celebration is scheduled to take place entirely outdoors.) So much time, so much money, so many details and so many hopes have gone into the planning of one single day - disasters, big or small, are inevitable.
Here are three common scenarios that could threaten your calm, and how to handle them with finesse.
The Dress
"Weddings aren't the time for surprises," says Anna Post, producer of the Emily Post Institute's podcast series about etiquette and author of "Emily Post's Wedding Parties" (Collins, 2007). "You want to try to plan ahead as much as possible."
This advice is pertinent to every aspect of a wedding, from whose in the pictures to how to get your drunken guests home safely, but brides often forget about something else extremely important - that fabulous white wedding dress that is almost a bigger star of the show than she is. To remedy untimely rips and stains, pack an emergency kit with sewing supplies, safety pins, stain remover, soda water, fabric tape, and any back up items, recommends Post. These quick fix-its can make all the difference, especially before you walk down the aisle.
But if you're at dinner and your Lemon Drop Martini ends up in your lap, try to keep your chin up, advises Elise Mac Adam, the IndieEtiquette columnist for Indiebride.com and author of "Something New: Wedding Etiquette for Rule Breakers, Traditionalists, and Everyone In Between" (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2008). "Wedding dresses usually have a short life span anyway," says Mac Adam. "So it lives harder and dies young, that only shows how much fun you had." In fact, she points out, numerous brides are now choosing to "trash the dress" at the end of the night or at a later photoshoot by jumping in pools, crawling through the sand or rolling around in mud.
The Vendors
Whether it's a DJ playing Beyoncé when you asked for the blues or a caterer who isn't serving the hors d'oeuvres you ordered, there's a good chance one of your vendors might goof up. If so, address it immediately so that you don't continue to stress about it, says Mac Adam. But you don't need a fight on your wedding day, even if your grievances are legit. Instead of accusing them of ruining everything, tell them what the problem is and ask what they can do to get back on track as soon as possible. "If it was an honest mistake, they might work extra hard to win back your good favor," says Mac Adam.
Ideally, however, it won't be you having this conversation. "This is your wedding day and you have every right to outsource your problems," says Post. If you don't have a wedding planner, she recommends asking a bridesmaid, groomsman or any trusted friend to be your go-to person. Make sure your go-to understands your basic itinerary and what's most important, and introduce him or her to your vendors beforehand. You should also provide them with some emergency cash in case they need to go buy more ice, pay for extra services, etc., while you get to groove on the dance floor, blissfully unaware.
The Guests
Whether it's beer, wine or a full bar, weddings typically include a lot of alcohol, and where's there free-flowing liquor, there's usually a few people who drink too much. To avoid an embarrassing episode at your wedding (and headaches the next day), tell your bartenders and wait staff that it's OK to politely cut people off, says Mac Adam. Servers know all sorts of tricks, such as agreeing to bring a drink and then "forgetting" to come back, or secretly serving a drink that's just juice or soda. But if it becomes necessary, it's also OK to ask an inebriated guest to leave, says Post. Enlist the help of a close friend or family member of the person to ensure they get home safely.
But the best piece of advice for keeping it cool on the wedding day in the event of chaos is to remember that the bride sets the mood.
"If something does go wrong, such as all the sprinklers going off in the middle of your pictures, everyone will look for your reaction," says Post. "If you get upset, the tone will get tense. Decide to laugh it off, and they will laugh too. You make your memories"
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