Family planning: how to talk babies
Some engaged couples can’t wait to start having kids, others have it firmly on the back burner, and many are somewhere in between. There’s no “right” schedule to follow, but making sure you are on the same page pre-I do’s is essential.
“Having kids isn’t like saying you really want a bread maker but it’s OK that he doesn’t, or vice versa,” says Anne Chertoff, a New York-based wedding editor.
“Having children will change both of your lives in many ways – emotionally, financially, priorities, et cetera. If one of you definitely doesn’t want to have children, you need to explain that to your partner, ideally even before you get engaged.”
Perhaps your reasoning is your age or a desire for a big family. Either way, you’re agreed that you want a baby on board as soon as possible. In that case, you should feel free to get started whenever you are ready, whether it’s immediately following the wedding or even during the engagement, says Kristine Solomon, site editor for TheNest.com. “It definitely depends on the couple and what they decide and feel most comfortable with together.”
If pregnancy is on your pre-wedding to-do list, just be aware that pregnancy’s potential side effects – nausea, fatigue, moodiness, changing body shape – could add to the stress of planning a wedding, Chertoff says. Commit to making time for rest and self-care, and ask for help before you get overwhelmed.
If, instead, your preference is to unwind from the wedding and enjoy your new à deux status for a while, Chertoff suggests making the most of your “free” time and finances by focusing on things like travel and your careers. Or try a few of Solomon’s favorites from TheNest’s list of pre-baby to do’s: Make a list of all the restaurants you’ve been meaning to check out – and go; spend an entire day in bed together watching movies; and wear as much silk, cashmere and other dry-clean-only clothing as you possibly can, while you still can.